I am in one of my 'moods', where I simply don't understand "Why am I here and what is my purpose?"
Do you have those days? Where you just don't see any 'good' purpose for your life?
Even though this is something I would normally keep to myself, I feel I should go ahead and write about it.
There are many things on a personal note, I don't write about even though I have had an urge to express my feelings.
This time I felt I should write about it for some reason.
I had a really bad day, yesterday. I was in a terrible mood due to various reasons. I mainly blamed it on our rescue rottie (Shiraz) as she destroyed many outdoor cushions and the yard was a disaster of pillow stuffing. I was upset over that and the fact she is still going potty inside the house, even though it has been 3 weeks since getting her.
It of course set the stage for my being horrid yesterday. But the real problem was 'me'. The real problem has been what 'my worth' during this lifetime is. What am I doing with my life and where am I going?
I have been working intently on 'connecting' with the higher vibrations, 'God' in my life. I have been studying how our vibrations are everything and how we draw to us and our lives are a result of 'how we think and feel'.
I feel as if I am in a rut now. What is the purpose of my doing what I am doing and what am I doing in the first place?
Why write about things such as Chemtrails and the lies of politicians besides what is really Truth? When people deny it and won't/don't want to wake up to the Truth and help eradicate the lies and stop what the 'insanes' are doing?
Why are we living through this existence when the thrill and fun of living is not there? Why are we just 'living' the life we are if it is dull and boring?
I am someone who wants to see the world and all the magnificent places in it! I have been blessed to see much of it, but there is so much more. Places I want to see and experience: Machu Pichu, Southern part of Chile, Easter Island, Arctic, The Amazon, Pacific Atolls, the list goes on and on.
What is my life at this point? What good am I doing? Where is my life going?
We all have different desires in this life. We all have different purposes and reasons we are all here, in our lives to live.
But the common purpose we ALL do have is to learn to LOVE each other and be ONE with each other and all things.
Yesterday, I was very unloving. I was unloving to myself and my dog. As I said, I blamed my dog for my bad mood, when I really knew I was upset with myself. I have come to that understanding, at least. When I am really upset with my daughter, I know it is because I am really unhappy with myself. When I do get really upset, I always think about it and know it is me, not whatever the situation is, that is really bothering me. It is where my life is right now, yet how I really desire to have something different at this time.
I pray for everyone to fully know the truth of themselves. I put my energy into that. I also put my energy and prayers into people understanding how everything in our life is from where we put our energy and thoughts. I have been seriously working on changing my energies into the positive and creating prosperity. Yes, I believe having money (an energy) is a good thing. I understand how I have repelled it in the past through 'feeling guilty, that it is bad, it doesn't make you happy, and so on', which is how we have been trained to think about it.
We have been trained to have limited thinking in all we do. We have been trained to stay within our 'bounds' in society. We have been trained that to have a lot of money, makes you an un-spiritual and bad person.
Yet, we are trained to worry about money and our situations constantly.
When we do worry about it and put our energy into our problems instead of solutions, we cause the problems to become bigger.
We are controlled in every aspect. That is the other problem I was having yesterday. The fact that everything is controlled besides the poisoning of the Earth, animals and people.
Another underlying frustration is "How do we stop and change what is going on?" That is a huge frustration for me. How do we stop the Chemtrails? How do we stop the brainwashing and how does the Truth of all things, get revealed and come to light?
Yes, I am venting here. It is hard for me to get this out, since it is very personal feelings and thoughts.
I do wonder "Why am I here?" We have to feel we have a purpose and doing something in our lives instead of just living it. I really desire to make a difference, not just in my life but in the world.
I get frustrated and angry with what is happening in this world. The way the Earth is becoming toxic from the insanes and how they are so greedy and controlling. They have set us up to be reliant upon them in every way. They have not allowed 'free energy' devices to come to the market where we could all be self sufficient. They have our energy revolve around oil, nuclear and fossil fuels instead of our each having our own energy sources that are non-toxic to the Earth. They do this in greed and for control of the people.
There have been many times I have questioned "How is this being allowed by God and isn't what they are doing against Universal laws?" The way they poison our food, water and air, how is that being allowed? Is there a universal law that by them showing us things in movies and in the media we then allow those things to happen against us?
We are so brainwashed to constantly compare ourselves to others. The advertisements are (especially for women) where you have to buy this product or that to try and look like this person or try and stay young. We are set up for failure. We will never be 'good enough' in our own minds the way the media has set it up. They photoshop pictures of women too. No one is perfect and even those at the top (models, actors, etc) are insecure. Look how they have to drown themselves in drugs and alcohol.
In other words we are suppose to strive to be what we can never be. We are set up to not be happy with Who We Are! We are set up to be insecure! Can we look at each other and see the beauty of who we really are? Can we see each other in the light of Love and the beautiful soul/spirit that God created? Instead of seeing each other's human imperfections and worrying about our imperfections?
I am over it ALL! One thing that gives me peace is knowing I am a soul in a human body having an Earthly experience for growth. But then I have days as yesterday where I feel like a complete failure and my life is nothing. It is hard to stay in a 'positive' attitude, every day without letting the negativity get to you.
One thing I have thought and have contemplated many times over and over again. It is, in the Bible it says "Christ will Return". Here is what I have thought about many times. The fact that Jesus said "You can do as me, if you have the faith the size of a mustard seed." (I will ask everyone to go and get a mustard seed, if you don't have one, go to the store and buy a spice container of it.) I believe Jesus came to show us what we can do if we live in LOVE for ourselves and each other. He said that too. I believe WE are the ones who are suppose to save ourselves! We are the ones who have to change our way of thinking! We are the ones who need to loves ourselves and each other, without the divisions of country, race, culture, politics, gender, religion, etc. We should look at all others as ourselves.
Then I get frustrated and question "How do we do that?" "How can we do that, when our world is set up to be the opposite? How do we get past the brainwashing and control of the way we think and feel?"
I am venting as there is so much going on that puts us off our 'path'. How do we change the path? How do we really make a difference? How do we make our life worthwhile?
I expect many reading this, have had the same thoughts and questions about their lives. Many have had days as I did, yesterday where my life feels as if it is nothing of value.
We are in this All Together! It is really up to us to change things and change our way of thinking. It is up to us to work on eliminating all the 'limiting brainwashing' that we have been subjected to since birth.
There have been many times I have wanted to write about very personal thoughts and feelings and I have stopped myself. It is too 'revealing' to do that to the world. It is too personal. But this time I have written about very personal thoughts and feelings. It is tough to do, to put yourself out there for 'ridicule or exposure'. We have been trained to hide our very personal thoughts due to 'what others may think' of them.
Well, I guess I am trying to step out from our limited thinking by posting this. Will I post it? Will I hit that 'publish' button? If you are reading this, then I have gone ahead and taken steps to 'reveal' inner and personal thoughts/feelings.
How do we help each other? How do we help ourselves? What is our purpose? How do we live every moment in Love? Are we expected to be Loving every moment? Where is my life going? Will I be able to overcome the limited thinking and will Truth come out about who we are?
Over and over I read about 'meditating' as the way to understanding and all the answers are 'within'. It is something I have not been good at, as I am a hyper person. I get frustrated about that too. I do wish the answers were right there and I didn't have to sit quietly and 'listen' for them.
THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO VENT MY FRUSTRATIONS AND INNER THOUGHTS/FEELINGS WITHOUT JUDGEMENT!
You are an intelligent, interesting, well read, knowledgeable and truthful person. Your life has great value because God created you. You impart truth to the blind, you stand up for what you believe it. I think you are awesome. Yes, sometimes life seems ridiculously pointless (like trying to help people save their homes...sometimes it becomes an exercise in futility) or now working for a firm that represents rich people...sigh, however helping others to open their eyes and helping them meet their needs makes everything worthwhile. Ava
ReplyDeleteSherrie, you are one of few that are a David to the Golliaths that are out there. You value is immeasurable
ReplyDeleteSherrie, first of all, thank you. Thank you for your honest attempts at being the best truth-teller you can be. I was born an Irish catholic, and shifted to another denomination, but now I feel that no single faith can accurately describe the entirety of spiritual truth I know to be true. They all get caught up in time, in locations and in the baggage that previous followers and groups have impressed upon faithful people, not always with honorable intent.
ReplyDeleteMight I be allowed to make a suggestion to you? ISBN 978-1-78180-077-5, Title: "The Only Thing That Matters". I keep this at my side, and scour it daily looking for answers to the exact questions you pose above. It's not a text you read through once and say, "OK, I got it!" It's a 'keep-coming-back-for-clarifications' kinda text. It is a book with universal appeal, regardless of one's faith leanings, and even true if one has no faith leaning. Rather than providing answers, (solutions that fit pat into exact circumstances), it gives a key to the better questions to ask, and some key approaches to dealing with oneself; compassion, re-contextualization, forgiveness, etc. It also gives step-by-step advice to people with different reflective (meditative) styles. It empowers and offers confidence, rather than proscribing and expecting conformance. Well worth the read. It will also blow any traditional type of religious doctrines out of the water, replacing them with sound spiritual teaching for people for whom institutional verbiage has become trite and meaningless. There is also a free chapter of the latest text, called "What God Said" available at cwg.com (you may need to rummage a bit). That too shreds the fixed doctrinal agenda, and empowers the honest human spiritual quest, which you so obviously have taken time to do. (Brava!) Hope this helps. My take is that spiritual teaching gives, and never asks. "There is NO compulsion in religion." Holy Qur'an, 2:256. (See, we can be inspired by them all!) But there is great liberation in faith....and you get to choose what that 'faith' is. I hope this is relevant.
Sherrie, I know how you feel.... I was feeling the same way yesterday. Everything under the sun was bothering me and I tried to shut everything off, but it was getting really hard not to scream out loud. I did and it scared my gf's dog she ran and hid from me. Every aspect of our lives are being challenged and questioned. People around us are still walking around like zombies not understanding they are truly at risk. I feel your pain I wish it was over soon.
ReplyDeleteI share with Christian friends and non Christian friends and they call me every name you can find, but I realized why I was doing what I was doing. I think I can endure the name calling, constant judgements, and them occupying large portion in my head.
Just like sharing about what God has done for us, all I can do is demonstrate the unconditional love that God/Jesus has provided for us. It is extremely challenging... you will be rewarded. People who visit sites like yours will be rewarded. It will end soon. Peace be with you. Go do some yoga, take a nap, or go for a run and appreciate little things in life. There are plenty!
Thank you, Sherrie for sharing your most private of thoughts. Believe me I've had the same urge to say many of the same things on my own blog. If you will allow I will share a few things I'm dealing with. I went to bed two nights ago so depressed I wanted to die. The last 10 years of my life have been a disaster mostly because of things that happened out of my control. A Jewish pain doctor nearly killed me with the drug Methadone for a chronic pain condition that eventually weakened my teeth and now they are falling out, plus I tried to commit suicide when I went into withdrawal when she refused to refill the script because I couldn't pay her high fees. It took two years and the help of a doctor in Mesa, AR. to detox of Methadone so I didn't have to go into treatment. Then I haven't had a steady job that lasted more than a year in the past eight, and been paid very little for those jobs. Now I can't find employment at all because of how my teeth look (image in this country is everything.) In 2007 I started Pragmatic Witness to try and tell the truth about what was happening in America but very few people listen or they call you an anti-semite or a kook. Sometimes I feel like I'm just howling at the moon. My blog is my only purpose in life but it doesn't put a meal on the table. Now I understand with the NSA listening to everything we say on anything that may be the reason I can't find work. They can destroy you that easily and quickly. I've asked for divine guidance most people call God, but he doesn't speak to me. I am without a significant other now 10 years and have no friends in the real world. I just seem to be different than everyone else. So, I am constantly asking why am I still here, and what does it all mean? Thanks for letting me vent a little on your blog. Maybe someday the answers will come, and this could be a lesson in patience which I've never been very good at. Thank you for everything you do to help our cause.
ReplyDeleteOnce we declare who we ARE; truth tellers, honest, decent, hard-working (or wanting to be), pleasant, wise, caring, stable, at peace......(all those things we want to be in our deepest soul), then the opposite starts to manifest itself. That is just the law of physics and meta-physics. I declared in 2006 that I was "Conscious Serenity In Abundance". Holy Jeepers, as soon as I did, everything the opposite of these started to manifest, and traces of these still show up to this day. But, at the other end of this ping-pong journey, losing jobs like hairs in the shower, (in Japan, Spain, Saudi Arabia, Germany, Morocco, Holland, France, Luxembourg, Sweden, South Africa, Italy), things are slowly coming to the point that I can actually say that I AM "Conscious Serenity In Abundance". No, I'm not $$$rich, but I am mobile, at peace, and way, way, way more serene in this blender of life that I was when I first dared to dare to declare who I am. Like Buddha said, "the bamboo plant bends in the storm, and stand back up when it's over. The Oak, sadly, snaps in the wind.....and gives up." Sherrie, Whitewraithe....look within, for YOU are individuations of the divine, experiencing yourselves sequentially and simultaneously. Never began, never end, eternal....just declare who you are, strap in tight, ride the storm, and emerge the other end triumphant. You cannot fail.....how can the divine (you) fail? You think God does not know what she's doing?
ReplyDeleteThere you go again showing Jesus with long hair. The Bible says Jesus did not have long hair. Long hair is associated with madness, wild-man, hippies. Why do they want to show their so-called Lord and Savior with long hair?
ReplyDeleteWhilst they go around in dapper short hair? Don't you want to be like your Lord?
Well......you KNOW I'm a fan..... learn to baby yourself a little.... don't let yourself get so worked up (I know like when we get some of your excellent investigative reports -- and about the stuff thats most important too!) if it's not positive, like helping your readers...
ReplyDeleteRe direct your energy if that makes any sense, go smell a rose :)
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