I am in one of my 'moods', where I simply don't understand "Why am I here and what is my purpose?"
Do you have those days? Where you just don't see any 'good' purpose for your life?
Even though this is something I would normally keep to myself, I feel I should go ahead and write about it.
There are many things on a personal note, I don't write about even though I have had an urge to express my feelings.
This time I felt I should write about it for some reason.
I had a really bad day, yesterday. I was in a terrible mood due to various reasons. I mainly blamed it on our rescue rottie (Shiraz) as she destroyed many outdoor cushions and the yard was a disaster of pillow stuffing. I was upset over that and the fact she is still going potty inside the house, even though it has been 3 weeks since getting her.
It of course set the stage for my being horrid yesterday. But the real problem was 'me'. The real problem has been what 'my worth' during this lifetime is. What am I doing with my life and where am I going?
I have been working intently on 'connecting' with the higher vibrations, 'God' in my life. I have been studying how our vibrations are everything and how we draw to us and our lives are a result of 'how we think and feel'.
I feel as if I am in a rut now. What is the purpose of my doing what I am doing and what am I doing in the first place?
Why write about things such as Chemtrails and the lies of politicians besides what is really Truth? When people deny it and won't/don't want to wake up to the Truth and help eradicate the lies and stop what the 'insanes' are doing?
Why are we living through this existence when the thrill and fun of living is not there? Why are we just 'living' the life we are if it is dull and boring?
I am someone who wants to see the world and all the magnificent places in it! I have been blessed to see much of it, but there is so much more. Places I want to see and experience: Machu Pichu, Southern part of Chile, Easter Island, Arctic, The Amazon, Pacific Atolls, the list goes on and on.
What is my life at this point? What good am I doing? Where is my life going?
We all have different desires in this life. We all have different purposes and reasons we are all here, in our lives to live.
But the common purpose we ALL do have is to learn to LOVE each other and be ONE with each other and all things.
Yesterday, I was very unloving. I was unloving to myself and my dog. As I said, I blamed my dog for my bad mood, when I really knew I was upset with myself. I have come to that understanding, at least. When I am really upset with my daughter, I know it is because I am really unhappy with myself. When I do get really upset, I always think about it and know it is me, not whatever the situation is, that is really bothering me. It is where my life is right now, yet how I really desire to have something different at this time.
I pray for everyone to fully know the truth of themselves. I put my energy into that. I also put my energy and prayers into people understanding how everything in our life is from where we put our energy and thoughts. I have been seriously working on changing my energies into the positive and creating prosperity. Yes, I believe having money (an energy) is a good thing. I understand how I have repelled it in the past through 'feeling guilty, that it is bad, it doesn't make you happy, and so on', which is how we have been trained to think about it.
We have been trained to have limited thinking in all we do. We have been trained to stay within our 'bounds' in society. We have been trained that to have a lot of money, makes you an un-spiritual and bad person.
Yet, we are trained to worry about money and our situations constantly.
When we do worry about it and put our energy into our problems instead of solutions, we cause the problems to become bigger.
We are controlled in every aspect. That is the other problem I was having yesterday. The fact that everything is controlled besides the poisoning of the Earth, animals and people.
Another underlying frustration is "How do we stop and change what is going on?" That is a huge frustration for me. How do we stop the Chemtrails? How do we stop the brainwashing and how does the Truth of all things, get revealed and come to light?
Yes, I am venting here. It is hard for me to get this out, since it is very personal feelings and thoughts.
I do wonder "Why am I here?" We have to feel we have a purpose and doing something in our lives instead of just living it. I really desire to make a difference, not just in my life but in the world.
I get frustrated and angry with what is happening in this world. The way the Earth is becoming toxic from the insanes and how they are so greedy and controlling. They have set us up to be reliant upon them in every way. They have not allowed 'free energy' devices to come to the market where we could all be self sufficient. They have our energy revolve around oil, nuclear and fossil fuels instead of our each having our own energy sources that are non-toxic to the Earth. They do this in greed and for control of the people.
There have been many times I have questioned "How is this being allowed by God and isn't what they are doing against Universal laws?" The way they poison our food, water and air, how is that being allowed? Is there a universal law that by them showing us things in movies and in the media we then allow those things to happen against us?
We are so brainwashed to constantly compare ourselves to others. The advertisements are (especially for women) where you have to buy this product or that to try and look like this person or try and stay young. We are set up for failure. We will never be 'good enough' in our own minds the way the media has set it up. They photoshop pictures of women too. No one is perfect and even those at the top (models, actors, etc) are insecure. Look how they have to drown themselves in drugs and alcohol.
In other words we are suppose to strive to be what we can never be. We are set up to not be happy with Who We Are! We are set up to be insecure! Can we look at each other and see the beauty of who we really are? Can we see each other in the light of Love and the beautiful soul/spirit that God created? Instead of seeing each other's human imperfections and worrying about our imperfections?
I am over it ALL! One thing that gives me peace is knowing I am a soul in a human body having an Earthly experience for growth. But then I have days as yesterday where I feel like a complete failure and my life is nothing. It is hard to stay in a 'positive' attitude, every day without letting the negativity get to you.
One thing I have thought and have contemplated many times over and over again. It is, in the Bible it says "Christ will Return". Here is what I have thought about many times. The fact that Jesus said "You can do as me, if you have the faith the size of a mustard seed." (I will ask everyone to go and get a mustard seed, if you don't have one, go to the store and buy a spice container of it.) I believe Jesus came to show us what we can do if we live in LOVE for ourselves and each other. He said that too. I believe WE are the ones who are suppose to save ourselves! We are the ones who have to change our way of thinking! We are the ones who need to loves ourselves and each other, without the divisions of country, race, culture, politics, gender, religion, etc. We should look at all others as ourselves.
Then I get frustrated and question "How do we do that?" "How can we do that, when our world is set up to be the opposite? How do we get past the brainwashing and control of the way we think and feel?"
I am venting as there is so much going on that puts us off our 'path'. How do we change the path? How do we really make a difference? How do we make our life worthwhile?
I expect many reading this, have had the same thoughts and questions about their lives. Many have had days as I did, yesterday where my life feels as if it is nothing of value.
We are in this All Together! It is really up to us to change things and change our way of thinking. It is up to us to work on eliminating all the 'limiting brainwashing' that we have been subjected to since birth.
There have been many times I have wanted to write about very personal thoughts and feelings and I have stopped myself. It is too 'revealing' to do that to the world. It is too personal. But this time I have written about very personal thoughts and feelings. It is tough to do, to put yourself out there for 'ridicule or exposure'. We have been trained to hide our very personal thoughts due to 'what others may think' of them.
Well, I guess I am trying to step out from our limited thinking by posting this. Will I post it? Will I hit that 'publish' button? If you are reading this, then I have gone ahead and taken steps to 'reveal' inner and personal thoughts/feelings.
How do we help each other? How do we help ourselves? What is our purpose? How do we live every moment in Love? Are we expected to be Loving every moment? Where is my life going? Will I be able to overcome the limited thinking and will Truth come out about who we are?
Over and over I read about 'meditating' as the way to understanding and all the answers are 'within'. It is something I have not been good at, as I am a hyper person. I get frustrated about that too. I do wish the answers were right there and I didn't have to sit quietly and 'listen' for them.
THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO VENT MY FRUSTRATIONS AND INNER THOUGHTS/FEELINGS WITHOUT JUDGEMENT!
