The Last Two Weeks..................................................

I have been silent the last two weeks and there has been a good reason for it.

I have been blessed in my life to have had the dearest friend any one could possibly have.  In fact there are many who have gone through their life without a dearest friend.

I am not saying "best" friend, because we all have had "best" friends.  Best friends come and go in our lives.  We have many of those at various times.  But dear friends are much more than best friends.  Dear friends are the ones who you know for decades, who you love unconditionally, who you may go a few years without talking to and then pick right back up where you left.

A dear friend is someone who accepts you as you are no matter what.  A dear friend is someone you can express all your hopes and fears to, without them judging you.  A dear friend is someone you can tell your deepest secrets to, without them telling anyone else.

I lost my dearest friend I have ever had, 2 weeks ago.  I was called in the middle of the night on April 29th, but I did not get the message until the morning of the 30th of April.  The message said my friend only had 3 days to live.  She was in Clearwater Florida in a hospital.  I jumped in my car and drove the 12 hours to get there.  I spoke to her the whole time (thoughts etc.) during that drive and I reflected upon all the years (23 years) we have known each other.

I was very glad just weeks before hand, I had expressed to my friend ( Nancy) how much I LOVED her and how Blessed I felt in having her as a friend and how much I Honored her.  I cried on the phone as I completely opened up without reservation in how much she meant to me and how much our friendship meant to me.  I also told her how much Ray (her husband who had died, 9 years before) meant to me.  I tore down all my walls to completely express and open my soul to LOVE and tell her all I felt.  Nancy said she knew all that and she Loved me and felt the same way.

An hour away from  the hospital, her son (Mike) called to say the nurses said she now had half a day left.  I got to the hospital at 10:30pm.    I sat down and talked to her, even though she was unconsious and caressed her hand and face and expressed how blessed I was and told her to go and be at peace and be with Ray.

Her sons began in earnest to let her go and began telling her to be at peace also.  My dearest friend died one hour after I got to the hospital at 11:30pm.  I was there for her last breath.  I felt honored to be there.  Also something very hard to explain, but I felt her release.  I felt the Love and her freedom.

From Florida it was then to Kentucky for her funeral and burial, which happened last week. My last two weeks have been full and sad with much reflection. 

Why am I telling you this?  First, it is so hard to really let someone go who you Love so very much!  But also it causes you to look at things differently.

I would be in a much worse spot had I not told her without reservation how I felt about her.  We all have our walls, even with our family and closest loved ones.  We don't fully express to others how much they mean to us.

Think about it....... Do you fully express to your wife, husband, children, mother, father, friends, siblings, family members, how much they mean to you?  Do you tell them how you are you, due to them?  Do you tell them how much you Love them?  Do you tell them. you honor them in who they are?

Most of us don't.  You think...."Oh, they know I do".  Really?  Would you like to hear how much a person Loves you and honors you and feels blessed to know you?


I am stepping back for awhile.  I am reflecting on who I am and how I can become a better person.  I am a better person just from knowing my dear friend, Nancy.

I would also like to say.... after her funeral, there were the most gorgeous bouquets/arrangements of flowers.  I got two of those huge ones and took it to where we were staying (at a friends, house) and realized through Nancy's Love and knowing she made a difference in many people's lives, I wanted to continue it.  We took the bouquets to a hospital for them to be given to patients that do not get visitors nor flowers, in the hopes that they would make a real difference in another person's life.  I asked for them to be given and the people be told they were from an anonymous person and they are Loved!

I mentioned the above in hopes that those who read this, may think about doing the same type thing if the situation arrives.  Yes the arrangements were big and gorgeous and would have been beautiful to look at and and enjoy the aroma of the flowers, but.......................  could someone else need that more and could it make a huge difference in their lives, instead of your own?

I hope you are blessed with a dear friend as I have had in my friend Nancy in your life.  I have reflected on how I can become a better friend to others, due to Nancy.

Nancy......................... Thank you for honoring me with your friendship!  Thank you for blessing me with your friendship!  Thank you for your Love!  Thank you for your kindness!  Thank you for your warmth!  Thank you for helping me be who I am!  I know you are with Ray and you are with God and you had a rebirth and not death, yet I am selfish and did not want you to go, so please forgive me for that!

The last two weeks ........................................................  have begun shaping me, though I am not sure in what form I will become when I have finished grieving.

Rest In Peace, My Dearest Nancy - I LOVE YOU! 

Jackie Evancho - Arms of the Angels Video